Emotional and social development between ages 11 and 14 years
Independence, individuality, identity, and self-esteem are buzzwords for early teen emotional and social development.
Elementary school-age children have strong ties to their families and want to please their parents. The years between 11 and 14 are a transition between childhood and adulthood, and appropriately adolescents begin to feel the psychological urge to become more independent from their families. This is sometimes seen in an all-consuming interest in friends and teen hobbies. Early adolescents tend to form strong solitary, same-sex friendships. They often have such strong alliances and feelings that they can wonder if they could be gay or lesbian.
Adolescents often lose interest in home matters. When at home, they may want to be alone, hanging out in their rooms with music blaring.
Seeking independence is a wholesome and necessary step, albeit one that is often misunderstood. Adolescents may have periods of being sullen and aloof, and parents feel hurt by this behaviour. But it is normal for the age. When adolescents are with their parents they are reminded that they are children, even if parents don't treat them that way, and they want to feel like grown-ups. The more parents try to hold on to a childhood image of their children, the more independence adolescents usually assert.
With independence comes a need to establish an individual identity. Much to the confusion of parents, adolescents often express their individuality by dressing like their friends or by joining the same activities, such as skateboarding or cheerleading. While this may look like flock mentality to parents, adolescents and teens usually establish their identity by associating with peers and striving to be independent of family. The peer group often replaces, at least in part, parents as a source of support and advice. Adolescents with healthy self-esteem may be least vulnerable to peer group pressure and are best able to call on values learned at home when faced with difficult decisions.
Some parents take this change in attitude as a personal affront, although it is a normal part of adolescent social and emotional development. Remember: Your teen is establishing him- or herself as an individual, and that often means not being like you. So be prepared!
| Author: | Douglas Dana Amy Fackler, MA | Last Updated: May 31, 2006 |
| Medical Review: | Michael J. Sexton, MD - Pediatrics Tom Bailey, MD - Family Medicine Louis Pellegrino, MD - Developmental Pediatrics | |
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